


the purloined letter

by sevedra



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, And Overprotective, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes is a Good Boyfriend, M/M, Misunderstandings, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark is a good boyfriend, he's just misguided, there are no bad guys here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevedra/pseuds/sevedra
Summary: It was the gentlest notice of a break-up he'd ever had





	the purloined letter

**Author's Note:**

> this one isn't part of a series. i had a dream about someone writing a letter about how they felt about Bucky and how they thought Bucky felt about them, and then it all went wrong. since I love Tony and love the thought of them together, i put Tony in the letter-writing role.  
> Hope you enjoy

"I'm running late, gotta hurry," Bucky said from just behind Tony's shoulder, where he was still curling his warmth around him.

Tony snuggled into the heated space left when Bucky slid out of the bed. He dozed lightly through the sounds of Bucky in the kitchen and bathroom. When he heard him rustling in the closet, he stretched and yawned and dragged himself from the bed. As he put on his jeans and hoodie, he felt disoriented. Bucky never overslept. Never. He woke early every single day. And they usually made lazy sleepy love before he left for work and then Tony caught the bus back to his own apartment. Today, there'd been no nuzzly kisses and no soft slow coming together to put off the day's separation. There'd actually been none last night either. Bucky had been tired sooner than Tony had expected. They'd gone to bed and sleep had quickly followed. Bucky hadn't even made an effort to sex him up. Work nights were mostly impossible to spend together, but they made an exception when they could. Thursdays every other week were a standing date/sleepover. Tony had late work on Friday mornings and Bucky was normally off early on those Thursdays. Yesterday, he'd texted that he was working late and Tony should meet him at the apartment instead of for dinner.

While Bucky finished dressing, Tony went into the living room to put on his shoes. There on the desk, in plain sight, was The Letter.

Tony had written that on Sunday; then he hadn't been able to find it, because apparently, Bucky had it.

They'd driven down the coast on Sunday, in his car. Bucky's car was in the shop and Tony only used his on weekends anyway. It wasn't practical to have cars in the city, but being able to make a long trip on a Sunday afternoon made keeping a car worth it. Bucky drove because he actually enjoyed it, whereas Tony was an indifferent driver at best. They'd been laughing and kissing in the late afternoon traffic coming back. Some older couple in the next car looked at them sternly several times. But Tony and Bucky were in love and still liked showing it, both to each other and to the world, so they'd kept it up. And the couple had continued shooting them disapproving glances.

Tony had thought they were ridiculous and he was feeling happy and weirdly creative, so he'd written The Letter while they drove. It was sappy. Tony had, at first, pretended he was writing to the cranky couple. He'd explained all about how much he loved Bucky and included many reasons why. But he'd also written about how much Bucky loved him. He knew Bucky loved him, they said it to each other often enough. Tony may have felt a little insecure in the relationship, given that his last had ended abruptly. But he'd been imaginative writing the letter. He'd exaggerated. He'd wanted the people in that car to be in awe of the fantastic relationship he and Bucky had. It had been full of purple prose. It was a bit embarrassing. Tony hadn't let Bucky see it, no matter how often he'd asked. He'd told him it was just a love letter and that it needed rewriting before it could be read. As a last bit of "so there", Tony had decided to address the letter, not to the couple in the car, but to Bucky's friend Steve.

Bucky loved Steve. They were best friends; brothers in all but name. They'd been together forever and nothing would ever separate them. And Tony liked Steve. Steve was a great guy; kind and generous and funny. And he so obviously loved Bucky. Tony just couldn't dislike someone who knew what a treasure Bucky was and appreciated him for all his aspects. Steve was Bucky's number one fan.

Steve was not Tony's number one fan. He was nice to him. He never failed to be polite. But he was distant and he let Tony know that he just didn't trust him. It was now six months he and Bucky had been together and Steve was not thawing his stance on him. Tony had never heard Steve say anything negative about him to Bucky. But he had heard through the grapevine that Steve was still offering to set Bucky up with nice single people he met through work or on his morning jog. So, yeah, Steve Didn't Approve.

Tony had been in a long-term relationship before Bucky. He'd had been with his girlfriend for almost three years. They'd gotten engaged just two weeks before Tony met Bucky. And he'd broken the engagement that same night. Tony had never believed in love at first sight. And maybe that wasn't really what it was, he couldn't have truly loved Bucky before he really knew him. But he knew from the first fifteen minutes that the potential was there. The potential for the greatest love in his life. Tony had to take the chance. He had to seize the opportunity to feel that One Great Love. And he'd been right to make the leap. Bucky was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Bucky, however, had never done anything but date sporadically. He'd never had a relationship of more than a couple of months. Tony didn't know how Bucky had felt the day they met, but he had called the very next day to ask Tony for a date. So, Bucky had felt a connection at least, from the start. As far as Tony could tell, Bucky had been just as invested as he was from the first date. Bucky had been attentive and interested and affectionate. And that had been every date, every time, and it had seemed to Tony to grow more and more the longer they were together. Bucky had told him he loved him just three weeks in, and Tony had enthusiastically reciprocated.  Maybe a little quickly, but they'd been on a LOT of dates by then. They couldn't see enough of each other. Bucky said he'd never told anyone he loved them before.

Given Steve's reaction, Tony absolutely believed him. Steve seemed determined to believe the worst about Tony though. He didn't like that Tony had been engaged. He didn't like that Tony had broken his engagement. He didn't like that Tony and Bucky had started dating so quickly. He didn't seem to like anything about their relationship. Steve had given him a hell of a shovel talk. He seemed to honestly expect Tony to get Bucky emotionally invested and then dump him. Steve was fully prepared for him to break Bucky's heart and he was ready to pick up the pieces. But he'd make sure Tony paid if that happened; when that happened according to Steve.

So, Tony had addressed the Letter of Love to Steve. Not so that Steve would read it, god no. Just so in Tony's mind, Steve would know how much Tony and Bucky meant to each other. Though he'd written of Bucky's feelings like he actually knew what was in Bucky's heart and mind. So presumptuous of him! What had he been thinking? It seemed harmless when he was doing it, but he'd immediately felt awkward when it was finished. Tony had tucked the letter between the passenger seat and the center console and planned to toss it out when he got home. He'd left Bucky at his apartment and driven home in a happy mood. Then he couldn't find the letter. It never occurred to him that Bucky had taken it. He thought maybe it was under the seat or had somehow fallen out of the car.

But here it was. On Bucky's desk. Tony picked it up. He saw Steve's name scrawled across the top. He saw glimpses of words and phrases that sounded to his mind like the gushings of a lovelorn teenager. Bucky had read this. Bucky had seen how completely crazy he was. Bucky had read the ways Tony hoped he felt. Tony had worded them as if they were the truth. And Bucky had left this out so Tony would see that he knew what Tony had assumed.

Bucky had canceled dinner last night. He hadn't canceled Tony sleeping over, but he'd been too tired to hang out. He'd been asleep too soon for lovemaking. He'd slept through their normal morning routine. And he'd left the letter for Tony to find.

It was the gentlest notice of a break-up Tony had ever had.

Tears stung the backs of his eyes. He heard Bucky come into the room, rushing to get out the door so he wouldn't be late. Bucky came to stand behind him and saw the letter in his hand over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Bucky. This is so embarrassing. I didn't want you to read it."

"It's a pretty good letter." He kissed the top of Tony's head and squeezed his upper arm in his hand. "I gotta get going."

Tony inhaled as deeply as he could without making a sound. Biting his lip nearly hard enough to bleed kept the tears from falling. He turned to hug Bucky goodbye but carefully didn't make eye contact. If Bucky got a good look at his eyes, he'd know Tony was almost crying. Tony could be brave about this. Bucky was being as kind as possible, Tony could be gracious. Bucky hugged him and kissed his head again.

"You'll be ok on the bus?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you." Tony hugged him just a little tighter before speaking softly into his shoulder, "Have a good day, goodbye Bucky."

He seemed to understand that Tony was emotional. He didn't make it more awkward for him. He stepped back and was out the door before Tony could even breathe. And then, he couldn't breathe. He crouched right to the floor and let the tears fall on the letter still clutched in his hand. Tony gave himself five minutes. Then he wiped his cheeks and gathered his few belongings. A toothbrush, a small toolkit, a pair of jeans, and two shirts. He simply didn't sleep here often. Bucky actually came to his place more. He had said there was no point in hauling Tony's workshop stuff across town when Bucky could sleepover with virtually no prep or planning. And Tony had a better bed anyway. So his footprint in Bucky's life was small. Tony had failed to notice how small.

.....

Bucky had a long day on Thursday. So much longer than usual. He was exhausted and almost cranky. He'd missed dinner with Tony. The only saving grace for this day was that Tony would be at his place any minute and Bucky could sleep curled around him. He hadn't been this tired since college.

Friday morning, he'd turned off his alarm and just lay there. He loved the smell of Tony's hair and the fit of his ass in the cradle of Bucky's hips. He let Tony sleep for a change. Bucky wanted him, but he wanted this closeness, this quietness together more right now. He'd been close to afraid he'd lose his job yesterday. The issue hadn't been his fault, but he'd almost had to take the fall for it. He was relieved it all worked out, but it had been emotionally draining and so incredibly stressful. Lying here in bed with Tony and feeling his heartbeat where Bucky's hand was tucked under his ribs was the most relaxing thing he could imagine.

Finally, he couldn't wait any longer to get up. He woke Tony and left him lying there while he started the coffee and took the world's quickest shower. Tony got out of bed and left the room while Bucky was looking for an unwrinkled shirt. He found Tony at the desk after he'd made his coffee. To-go today. He was going to miss that slow-sipping few minutes he usually spent in his kitchen. Tony's back stayed to him though he knew Tony knew he'd entered the room. He came up close behind him and looked over his shoulder. That letter was the sweetest thing Bucky had ever read.

"I'm sorry Bucky. This is so embarrassing. I didn't want you to read it."

"It's a pretty good letter." He kissed the top of Tony's head and squeezed his upper arm in his hand. "I gotta get going."

Bucky was also a little embarrassed. Tony had told him the letter wasn't for him to read. But he'd blushed so prettily when he'd said it that Bucky couldn't stop thinking about it all the way home. So when he'd opened Tony's door to help him out of the car and had seen it peeking between the seat and the console, Bucky took a chance and pocketed the letter before Tony noticed. It was an extraordinary Love Letter. Bucky had read romantic poetry in school that seemed like utter tripe compared to this. Tony had a surprisingly beautiful way with words. Bucky had known Tony loved him, they said it often enough. But he had no idea Tony knew so clearly how Bucky felt. He would never be able to put into words the things he loved about Tony, the emotions he stirred in him, the sheer intensity of his love. Somehow, Tony had put Bucky's own deepest emotions into words for him. It was amazing. He had nearly cried at how cathartic it had felt to know that Tony knew, Tony really knew and understood, how Bucky felt about him.

Tony was clearly embarrassed though. So, Bucky let him hide his face and hugged him tight and hoped Tony understood that Bucky would never purposefully make him feel awkward. Bucky had taken his letter without his permission and he had read it when Tony had explicitly told him it was not for him. He hoped Tony would forgive him for that.

"You'll be ok on the bus?" Bucky tried to keep his voice as normal as possible. He didn't want to call attention to the emotional tension in the room.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you." Tony hugged him just a little tighter before speaking softly into his shoulder, "Have a good day, goodbye Bucky."

Bucky kissed the top of Tony's head and smiled into his hair. God, this man. What had Bucky done to deserve this?

.....

At lunch, Steve brought up a woman in the mailroom that had just started last week.

"For crying out loud Steve. I am not going to date the mail lady. I am dating Tony and it's amazing and I love him. I'm not on the market. You know this already. It's getting old. Give it a break." Bucky had been patient with Steve. He knew Steve hadn't found the person he wanted to spend his life with. So, Steve didn't understand that Bucky never wanted to go on a date with anyone else again. Steve was having a hard time understanding the difference between dating and having a boy or girlfriend.

"Buck. Bucky, come on. Just give her a chance."

"Steve. Listen. Dating a lot of different people is fine. But when you have a boyfriend, not a friend with benefits, not a person you've gone out with three times, a boyfriend, a man you are in a relationship with, you do not date other people. I am not dating other people. I love Tony. He loves me. I might ask him to get a place together. I know his lease is up in a couple months."

"What? Move in together? Bucky. No, this is too soon. I know you feel a lot for him. I know you think he loves you. I know. But, Bucky, Tony probably isn't as invested in this as you are. He probably can't be. Tony isn't a long-term, take home to mother, forever kind of guy. Look at the girl he told all of that to before! He ditched her. Don't you think she thought it was forever? They were engaged! What if Tony just throws you over when he meets some new guy or girl?"

Bucky was stunned. Steve wasn't befuddled about the difference between dating and being in a relationship. Steve knew exactly what he was doing when he tried to set Bucky up with someone else. He was actively trying to derail Bucky's love life. Steve didn't understand. But he didn't understand something completely different than Bucky had thought.

"You are so out of line here. I love Tony and he loves me. Yes, he ended his engagement, but ending one long-term relationship does not imply you are incapable of having another. We were both blindsided when we met each other. It was like being struck by lightning Steve. I have never felt like this before and I hope to never feel like this again, not for anybody else. Should Tony be worrying that I can't love him long-term because I never loved anyone long-term before? That logic is stupid and faulty, just the same as yours. Have you said anything to him?" Bucky thinks back to Steve's name on the letter. He'd thought it was kind of funny, but maybe it had meant something more than he realized. Maybe Tony had felt like he had to defend their love to Steve in particular.

Steve looked a little sheepish. "I may have given Tony an overly emphatic shovel speech. Sorry. Um, I will back off. I hadn't thought about it from the opposite perspective. I guess I may have been unfair. But I was just worried about you. I don't want to see you get hurt. You've never been serious about anyone before. A lot of first relationships don't work out. I just wanted to protect you."

"I am a grown ass man Steve. I don't need protecting. What are you, my mother? I can take care of myself. I can make my own relationship decisions."

.....

Tony went back to his own apartment. Carrying his meager belongings with him, in shame, on the bus. And the embarrassing letter. He hadn't wanted to leave it at Bucky's, no need for Bucky to have to look at it again. He also hadn't wanted to throw it away quite yet. He wanted to hold onto the feelings he'd described, for just a little while longer. No one paid him any special regard on the bus, but he felt stared at and judged just the same. 

He spent the day at work acting as if everything was the same. No one there seemed to notice anything was wrong either. He held himself together through the trip back home in the evening. It was Friday, he and Bucky had a standing date every week. Tony would meet Bucky at his place and they'd do dinner and maybe a movie. Sometimes in, sometimes out, depending on their respective weeks and stress levels. But they always took comfort in being together. Tonight, Tony would be alone.

Rather than get ready to go to Bucky's, Tony got in the shower. He stayed in the shower for nearly an hour. It was easier to cry in there. The running water hid the tears and the heat made his face flush pink anyway. He loved Bucky. It was always going to be painful if they broke up. Tony had honestly thought things were going well. Actually, things were going well. Tony had just sabotaged it spectacularly. He'd had to write that stupid letter. He'd had to put into words what he selfishly thought of as Bucky's feelings for him. And he'd had to address it to Bucky's best friend. Steve, who loved Bucky, Steve, who Bucky loved and to whom Bucky would never have wanted Tony to smugly brag about the happily-ever-after feelings he'd been imagining Bucky felt.

Finally dragging himself from the now cold shower, Tony saw he had four missed calls from Bucky. Bucky had already been kind about the break-up, why would he call now? Tony had gotten all of his stuff from the apartment. He'd even checked behind the desk for any stray screwdrivers. He was always losing at least one when he was working. There was no way Tony could deal with any more of this tonight. He'd just call Bucky back tomorrow morning and apologize for missing the calls. 

After Tony had put on his softest, most comfortable pajamas and climbed into bed with a hot chocolate for companionship, the doorbell rang. He sighed deeply and contemplated letting it go. He didn't want to get out of bed. He didn't want to have to talk to anyone. He just wanted to be sad and lonely for one night before pulling himself up and putting on a smile.

The doorbell rang a second time, and when Tony still didn't answer, whoever was there started knocking. A lot. Finally giving in, if for no other reason than to keep his visitor from disturbing the neighbors, Tony went to the door.

When he opened it, Bucky was standing there looking frantic.

.....

Bucky had arrived home after work looking forward to seeing Tony tonight. He was excited to snuggle and make love and revel in the feelings they shared. He would explain to Tony that he'd had a talk with Steve to straighten him out. He'd let Tony know how much he loved him and how perfectly Tony's letter had described the way Bucky truly felt. He'd thank Tony for putting into words all the things Bucky felt but didn't know how to say. And then he'd broach the subject of moving in together. Bucky's apartment was too seedy and Tony's was too small. They could look for a perfect place to live that made them both happy and gave them a brand new starting point for what Bucky hoped could be a life together, long-term. Bucky was ready for that. Not quite ready for proposing; it really was too soon for that. But for a beginning point, yeah, Bucky was ready for that commitment.

When he gets home, he rushes to his room to change because he's a little late and Tony should be there any minute. But in his room, Bucky doesn't see Tony's change of clothes that he keeps on the chair. It's a bit strange, but maybe Tony wanted to swap them out for some others. However, in the living room, the letter is no longer on the desk. Bucky stopped and thought; then he looked more closely. Tony's toolkit was gone. The wrenches and screwdrivers and soldering iron were not on the kitchen counter or on the coffee table or anywhere on the desk. Or anywhere at all. Bucky raced to the bathroom. Tony's hairbrush and toothbrush were missing, too. What is going on? Had Bucky messed up somehow? Should he have said all of the things he was thinking this morning? Was waiting until tonight too late to let Tony know? Did Tony think he didn't feel those things because he hadn't addressed them yet?

Bucky calls first. He calls again. And again. And a fourth time. But Tony is not answering. Bucky must have screwed up pretty badly for Tony to ignore his calls. Tony always picked up. Even if he was busy, even if he was working. Bucky cannot let this misunderstanding stand. He has to see Tony. If Tony won't come to him or even talk to him on the phone, then Bucky will just have to go to Tony.

Bucky rings the doorbell. Twice. Tony is not answering. Bucky is starting to actually panic. He knocks, loudly; rapping several times and then pausing for only about 5 seconds before rapping again. He knows the lady next door has kids, but surely it isn't late enough they'd be asleep. If he doesn't wake them, maybe she won't open the door and glare.

When Tony finally comes to the door, Bucky sees he's been crying. What has he done?

.....

Tony moves to the side and lets Bucky in. Bucky hesitates before going to hug Tony. Tony feels stiff in his arms. "Tony, Tony, sweetie. Please. What's wrong? I talked to Steve, he's going to do better. I'm sorry if he upset you."

"Steve is fine. He just doesn't like me. It'll be okay now." Tony's voice was barely above a whisper. His throat sounded scratchy, he must have been crying for a while.

"Honey, Tony, I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about the letter. I should have told you how I felt this morning. I didn't mean to leave you hanging and wondering." Bucky speaks so quickly he nearly runs his words together. He is desperate to fix this. Whatever this is. 

"You don't have to say anything. I know it was out of line. I know I presumed too much. I swear I didn't mean to, but I just felt so happy and excited when I was writing it. I didn't mean to offend you. I swear." Tony had taken on a pleading tone that Bucky just didn't understand.

"No. You weren't out of line. You were perfect. The letter was perfect. It was everything I always wanted to say, but could never find the words. You know I'm not that good at expressing myself. Saying 'I love you' was never enough to show how much I really felt." Bucky still didn't really understand what had happened. Somehow Toiny had gotten the impression that Bucky didn't like the letter. When it was so much the opposite.

"You weren't mad?" Tony finally relaxed into Bucky's embrace. He was relieved. He hoped this meant there had been a disconnect somewhere. Maybe he'd reacted badly. Wrongly. 

"Of course I wasn't mad. What would I be mad about? You said everything I wanted to say and you said it so beautifully, I could hardly believe it. You addressed it to Steve though. I was afraid Steve was trying to scare you off. I thought he had been being dense, but he really thought we'd break up because you broke your engagement. I asked him if he thought we'd break up because I hadn't had a long relationship before. He saw how blind and stupid he was being. He's going to do better. He said he would. Please don't cry. He'll do better. And I'll do better. I can tell you how I feel. I'll work on being more verbal about it. I didn't mean to make you think I didn't love you enough." Bucky thought he was starting to see the problem. Tony needed more assurance than Bucky had been giving him.

Tony realized then that Bucky thought Tony's reaction was his fault. Apparently, it wasn't anyone's fault. It was a simple miscommunication. Bucky assumed Tony knew what he felt about the letter and Tony assumed he knew what Bucky felt about the letter. And they had assumed completely wrong and opposite things.

Tony lifted his face and kissed Bucky softly. "I love you. I love you so much. I thought I had presumed too much about your feelings. I thought you were letting me down easy because I overstepped. I am so glad that isn't what's happening. You can tell me you love me any way you want to. You can use any words you have. I love the words you give me. I love you." Tony wrapped his arms around Bucky and melted into him.

"Oh, thank god. Tony, I was going to ask about moving in together, and then I thought it was all going to be lost and I would have missed my chance. I do want to talk about moving in, but we can do that tomorrow. Tonight, let's just tell each other how much we love each other and let me take you to bed."

And everything would be alright. As long as they were together. As long as they loved each other.

They loved each other and things would be alright. No one was breaking up with anyone. 


End file.
